Cheese
by Dyng Rose
Summary: Bits of random conversation Snape hears as a teacher at Hogwarts. CHAP 2: I Love My Lips
1. Cheese

A/N: So, this is a conversation that my mother and I just randomly had one day, and I wondered about what Snape's reaction to it would be. I don't know why, it just popped into my head. So, I decided to write it down.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; if you sue me all you would get is some pocket lint, as this is all I own, so is there really any point in suing me?

Cheese

The class was brining their finished, and probably dismal, potion assignments to the front of the class, where Severus Snape stood, surveying the colors of the potions inside the bottles. Today's was supposed to be a deep crimson; instead, many seemed to be tinged pink. The Longbottom boy's was bright blue-no surprise there.

And of course, the Golden Trio was last to bring theirs forth. He heard the Granger girl explaining something to the other two; Potter's face seemed disgusted at something.

"…it's essentially just really old, solidified, bacterial milk," she said in her usual matter-of-fact tone.

"Hermione, please don't ruin cheese for me, I like cheese," Potter spoke. That was what he was disgusted at? They were talking about cheese? The Amazing Boy Who Lived, destine to save all Wizarding kind, was discussing cheese with his friends…

"Ron isn't disgusted by it. Are you, Ron?" the girl asked.

"Ron doesn't count, he'll eat Neville's dirty socks if you put marinara sauce on them," Potter pointed out.

"Hey!" came Weasley's indignant reply.

"Oh, shut up, Ron, you know it's true. But it's a fascinating process, really. First…." And as Granger proceeded to explain how cheese came to be, Potter covered his ear, saying loudly, "LA LA LA LA LA!!!!" And the three left his class room.

It was then that Severus decided the world was doomed.

END

A/N: If I come up with more random conversation I'll post more. Let me know what you think!! Keep in mind it's just suppose to be humor, there's no real story behind this. It's just kind of…there….

If you didn't like, well, it made me laugh, so isn't that what's important? Want to hear another conversation? Suggest one!! And I'll write it! I am now open to requests!


	2. I Love My Lips

A/N: This was inspired by Jane Austen Girl, who posted a rock-ish version of the song "I Love My Lips" from the children show Veggie Tales on an extremely long thread on facebook. If you do not know this song, I strongly recommend going to youtube dot com and typing in "I Love My Lips, Silly Songs With Larry" before reading this fic. Trust me, it makes it a hell of a lot better.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own the lyrics (appear in _italicized _type). I only own the words that spew from my head.

I Love My Lips

Snape was teaching his fifth year potions class, a blend of Gryffindors and Slytherins. As usual, his intense presence kept the class quiet. Not a whisper of muttered conversation could be heard.

The tall, greasy man stalked amongst the Gryffindors, inspecting their excuses for a decent potion, when he heard a sound foreign to his dungeon class room-singing. It was soft, barely audible in the silence, and coming from the Potter boy. Snape quietly stepped behind he boy and listened to the words:

"_If my lips ever left my mouth,  
Packed a bag and headed south,  
That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad."_

"That'd be too bad? You'd be so sad?" Snape said, intending on frightening the boy into silence, but to his surprise and displeasure, Potter turned around, grinned and said: "That'd be too bad!"

Snape looked livid. The student, however, ignored his angry facial expression. The Granger girl even joined Potter in singing:

"_If my lips said "Adios,  
I don't like you, I think you're gross."  
That'd be too bad, I might get mad."_

"That'd be too bad? You might get mad?" Weasley asked, smiling. "That'd be too bad," the other two responded.

"The three of you will join me tonight for detention for disrupting my class!" Snape hissed, but not only did the three continue singing, Dean Thomas joined in:

"_If my lips moved to Duluth  
Left a mess and took my tooth.  
That'd be too bad, I'd call my Dad." _

"That'd be too bad? You'd call your dad?" Seamus Finnegan spoke this time, to a response of: "That'd be too bad."

Snape was losing patience. Never before had he lost control of a class in such a way. He was about to shout again when every Gryffindor began singing:

"_When I was just two years old,  
I left my lips out in the cold.  
And they turned blue,  
What could I do?" _

"They turned blue? What could you do?" and even Snape was shocked to see the speaker this time was Draco Malfoy. As predicted, the response he received was: "Oh, they turned blue."

This time, every student in the dungeon was singing:

"_On the day I got my tooth,  
I had to kiss my Great Aunt Ruth.  
She had a beard and it felt weird._

_She had a beard? And it felt weird?_

_She had a beard. _

_Ten days after I turned 8,  
Got my lips stuck in a gate  
My friends all laughed…_

And I just stood there until the fire department came  
and broke the lock with a crowbar and I had to spend  
the next six weeks in lip rehab with this kid named Oscar  
who got stung by a bee right on the lip and we couldn't  
even talk to each other until the fifth week because both  
our lips were so swollen and when he did start speaking  
he just spoke polish and I only knew like three words in polish  
except now I know four because Oscar taught me the  
word for lip, 'Usta'."

"ENOUGH!!" Snape shouted louder than he had ever shouted at a class before. "Every last one of you will suffer multiple detentions with both Filch and myself! Now, finish your potions, turn them in, and get the hell out of my classroom!"

The dungeon fell into an immediate tense silence. Satisfied, Snape went to sit at his desk. He began writing up the detentions when the class broke out into scatting (1). Snape's entire form went rigid, and his broke his quill in his hand.

-The following scene has been removed due to excessive amounts of gory violence towards the students for which there is no Fan Fiction rating-

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(1) For the specifics, see the youtube video recommended above.

Did you enjoy it? If so, let me know!


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